Oh the Irony!

Today feels like a scene out of Shakespear's Macbeth for me...

I have a house “guest” a mama and 4 brand newborn baby kittens who I rescued from my back yard.  Mama came with the house in February and just would not leave.  I noticed a week ago she was pregnant and fed her and now, I am a “kitty Mama” for the next 8 weeks.  Because the heat is over 90 here in Sac, the babies would not survive so I brought them into my spare room by trapping the mama kitty (who is probably a stray turned ferel due to lack of socialization with humans) in a bin with her babies and setting her free in my spare room which is now set up as a cat-friendly environment.

She was NOT happy.  It was in her best interests but the newness of being inside and a stranger, no matter how loving and kind, is way too unfamiliar to this poor little Mama Cat.  

I check on her several times a day when I am home at lunch, after work, before bed.  I feed her fresh chicken each night and she is still very very scared.  But, she looks at me from a distance, with this look that says “thank you for saving me” yet won’t let me get too close.

This morning I entered the room and approached the den.  She was nursing the babies.  She knows my voice now and that I am the bearer of all things edible.  She knows it is “room service” and that somewhere along the line, she checked into the Ritz of cat hotels with daily maid service, clean towels, and room service.

She looked at me from the distance as I carefully peered into the bin which I cut a hole in for a “den”.  That same grateful look her eyes half-closed in contentment and relaxation.  No dialated eyes or ears flat against her head.  Just sat there and watched me.  Then, quietly, Mama Cat hissed at me, just to let me know she doesn’t trust me and to keep my distance.  I didn't push her.

She wanted to belong all along.  She has been in my yard since February, climbing the tree every morning I let my dogs out, yet always alseep in my yard each night.  She isn't a part of a cat community she must remember what it was like to be loved and cared for by humans once in her past.

She wants to belong and be loved and cared for.  She will let you get close to her, but  is still pretty scared you will hurt her.  She keeps a slight distance between you and always appears like if you were to take that extra step forward, into her comfort zone, she would dart away to safety.

In that moment, peering into the dimlite manmade den I became keenly aware that Mama Cat and I have a LOT in common.   Don't get too close or you might hurt me, and keep that distance so I can dart away to safety at a moment's notice.  

I sat quietly in my spare room at 6:30 this morning with tears flowing down my face.  "I know EXACTLY how you feel, girl", I told her.

There is a song by Barlow Girl called Thoughts of You that came to my mind right at that moment.  It goes like this:

God I never could repay You 

You gave everything 

Without You where would I be 

You still loved me even when I 

Pushed You away 

You stood there and waited 

Till the day I'd return

Funny how God works, isn’t it?  Through an act of kindness He showed me the depths of my own heart; my own frailty from failed relationships, and abandonment, my fear of rejection and of being hurt. 

What an awesome God.  

If you pray and ask Him, He will show you a lot of things that will answer many questions.

Thanks, Father, for loving me enough to show me.  I pray I TAKE courage.

Mama cat and I will be OK in time.  Trust takes time after you have been out there on your own for a long time.  But, it IS possible.