We Have a Winner!

Last night in my women’s group, we sat listening to one of the women share.  At it’s core, she was saying that she had friendships and in these certain friendships she was the one fostering and keeping these friendships alive by always being the one who texts, calls, invites and, when she made a conscious effort to cease - her phone and email fell absolutely silent.   She felt frustrated.   In the end, the discussion centered around Philippians 4:3 about thinking on good things, whatever is noble, and lovely….etc., and that we need to always focus our attention on those things above and on good things, and not allow our minds or the enemy distract us with negative things and critical, judgmental things.  She discerned, that since she had become a Christian she felt a distance with many of her friends that were not believers in Jesus, and as she stepped farther and farther down the path with God, the distance grew and grew.  Ultimately, she recognized that while she really wanted them to come along on her journey, it was time to “let go and let God” be in charge of the increase.  Amen! 

I sat truly touched by this woman’s own hurting heart for the fact that she gives so much of her self to people and when it comes time to “do unto others” she is frustrated that it isn’t reciprocated, and at the same time, I sat in awe and my own understanding of my own life and struggles and what it means to be a leader and in ministry.

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To take you “behind the scenes” my first inclination was to shut her down with a spirit that felt religious in nature to me thinking “we just don’t talk about stuff like that, don’t be negative, etc.”  Except, she wasn’t….she was just being open and vulnerable and sharing in trust with me.  I am glad I didn’t miss it….I kept quiet and listened.

Furthermore “behind the scenes”, you see, earlier in the week, up until that hour actually, I had been in my own space of frustration.  Sometimes, being called to be in ministry isn’t about anything other than what you know (the Word) and not anything about how your feel (they didn’t get it, they don’t show up, they don’t participate, I feel rejected….insert any of the foregoing phrases I have used lately in my own conversations with those few I get to sometimes share with myself).

Fast forward a bit to an hour before the group, the Holy Spirit sent a prayer warrior to pray for my group and to pray with me, (thank you, Jesus, for Your unfailing love and for always showing up to take care of your sheep, despite the “space” of the leader in that moment!)  As we ended our prayer of agreement, I grabbed hold of the promise of His appearance, and walked obediently forward.  Not because I “felt” like it, but because the Word says if I ask, and I believe I have it , I have it.  This means I felt no different than I did before the prayer, but was walking out in complete faith!  Can anyone else say “amen” with me to that or am I all alone?

OK, one more aside - As a leader I am focused on facilitating and allowing the Holy Spirit to lead in my group.  I ache at times to be used by the Lord, as a conduit to connect people to Him.  In fact, I pretty much am praying daily “more of You Lord, and less of me….use me, Father….let me be Your hands and feet”. 

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So, back to the group now that I have set the stage and filled you in on the behind the scenes aspect of all that is happening.  Here sits this woman, such a beautiful woman of the Lord, and her life such an amazing testimony of faith and courage and she is sharing her heart with me.  She is vulnerable, she is trusting me, and I am listening….

At first I am listening through my filter of my own experience and feelings.  Hey I feel frustrated, too, right?  The conversation started with “where is everyone tonight?”, and I realized in the moment, that I was thinking that, too, and had personal feelings about my own worth wrapped up in that question….but the Spirit spoke and said “listen”.  And so, I continued to listen. 

Through the conversation as we peeled away the layers (like an onion if you will), I finally saw it in the Spirit with the eyes and ears God has…..her hurting heart, the feelings of inadequacy, the unfairness of it all, and mostly her dilemma of loneliness right now and struggling to let go of the old and grab a hold of the new!  On top of that I know this woman.  I know how she has continued to trust the Lord for in her journey and how incredible she is; how she truly hears God and obeys.  She has a child-like faith that is so appealing and so worth emulating and modeling our own lives after.  Sometimes, she literally goes to the end of the camp DAILY for her manna, in absolute and complete faith without extra money or safety net and the Lord always provides……….she is so much more “out of the boat” with Jesus.  In fact, as she stands on the waves on top of the water with Jesus, I am quite sure she could look me in the eye and say “boat?  what boat?  there was a boat?”

As I listened, not rebuking her, not through the filter of my own feelings, or making it about me in any way, just listening, I was humbled…because had almost missed it because of my own “stuff”.  It was a close call, too.  The conversation could have shifted to an entirely different place about who was or wasn’t this or that, and why aren’t they this or that……….but instead, it became about the Lord, and His promises, and His Word, and I watched the Spirit apply the salve of His grace to her wounds, and I watched the Word grow and swell up in her, almost like a time lapse of a seed sprouting and growing and blooming, right before my eyes in the Spirit.

I am calling that one a win for the Father.  And somewhere in there for me, too because I learned, to listen, to be a conduit for God, and let Him fix it, and let God give the increase  (1 Corinthians 3:7)

Reminds me of a metaphor the Lord showed me years ago now about a simple garden hose.  The water only flows out of that hose with force when there are no kinks in it.  I am just a hose and He is the healing water of life.  I only have to work on keeping the kinks out.  (Of course, this goes for every believer, not just those called to minister.)

I also learned a valuable thing; something I learn over and over again by experience.  If you are prayed up, and in the Word, and open to hear Him, He will use you.  If you use Him like drive-thru and fast food service, you run a risk of missing it.  I fail more than I win I fear but I am determined to be obedient, for Jesus says to me (and everyone):  “why do you call me Lord and not do what I tell you?” (Luke 6:46).

Yep, we have a winner!