Oh the Irony!

Today feels like a scene out of Shakespear's Macbeth for me...

I have a house “guest” a mama and 4 brand newborn baby kittens who I rescued from my back yard.  Mama came with the house in February and just would not leave.  I noticed a week ago she was pregnant and fed her and now, I am a “kitty Mama” for the next 8 weeks.  Because the heat is over 90 here in Sac, the babies would not survive so I brought them into my spare room by trapping the mama kitty (who is probably a stray turned ferel due to lack of socialization with humans) in a bin with her babies and setting her free in my spare room which is now set up as a cat-friendly environment.

She was NOT happy.  It was in her best interests but the newness of being inside and a stranger, no matter how loving and kind, is way too unfamiliar to this poor little Mama Cat.  

I check on her several times a day when I am home at lunch, after work, before bed.  I feed her fresh chicken each night and she is still very very scared.  But, she looks at me from a distance, with this look that says “thank you for saving me” yet won’t let me get too close.

This morning I entered the room and approached the den.  She was nursing the babies.  She knows my voice now and that I am the bearer of all things edible.  She knows it is “room service” and that somewhere along the line, she checked into the Ritz of cat hotels with daily maid service, clean towels, and room service.

She looked at me from the distance as I carefully peered into the bin which I cut a hole in for a “den”.  That same grateful look her eyes half-closed in contentment and relaxation.  No dialated eyes or ears flat against her head.  Just sat there and watched me.  Then, quietly, Mama Cat hissed at me, just to let me know she doesn’t trust me and to keep my distance.  I didn't push her.

She wanted to belong all along.  She has been in my yard since February, climbing the tree every morning I let my dogs out, yet always alseep in my yard each night.  She isn't a part of a cat community she must remember what it was like to be loved and cared for by humans once in her past.

She wants to belong and be loved and cared for.  She will let you get close to her, but  is still pretty scared you will hurt her.  She keeps a slight distance between you and always appears like if you were to take that extra step forward, into her comfort zone, she would dart away to safety.

In that moment, peering into the dimlite manmade den I became keenly aware that Mama Cat and I have a LOT in common.   Don't get too close or you might hurt me, and keep that distance so I can dart away to safety at a moment's notice.  

I sat quietly in my spare room at 6:30 this morning with tears flowing down my face.  "I know EXACTLY how you feel, girl", I told her.

There is a song by Barlow Girl called Thoughts of You that came to my mind right at that moment.  It goes like this:

God I never could repay You 

You gave everything 

Without You where would I be 

You still loved me even when I 

Pushed You away 

You stood there and waited 

Till the day I'd return

Funny how God works, isn’t it?  Through an act of kindness He showed me the depths of my own heart; my own frailty from failed relationships, and abandonment, my fear of rejection and of being hurt. 

What an awesome God.  

If you pray and ask Him, He will show you a lot of things that will answer many questions.

Thanks, Father, for loving me enough to show me.  I pray I TAKE courage.

Mama cat and I will be OK in time.  Trust takes time after you have been out there on your own for a long time.  But, it IS possible.

"If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back." Matthew 18:15

So often I have been a casualty of jumping to conclusions; of assumptions I have made about a person, their motives or a situation I have encountered. It never works out to the glory of God. Often times, when eventually the Spirit has "bugged" me until I will follow Matthew 18:15, I have found out that I was so wrong, misunderstood, and in fact caused the fracture in the relationship myself by NOT going to the person, in person, and having a conversation about things, or plain asking before adding two and two and getting five :O).

I remember the first time Matthew 18 and I met, face-to-face. It was during my tenure as the Chairman of the school board at my daughters' christian school in the 90's and an allegation was made against an employee. Many assumptions were made between parents and faculty. Because we were a religious organization, our credo was to follow Matthew 18 for all disputes. Because I was the Chair, it fell upon me to make sure we kept to our bylaws and credo. I was a relatively new christian, too, and had no understanding of Matthew 18 or is true meaning. At the end of study, and speaking to elders, and prayer, and just trying to walk out God's Word, I learned such a valuable life lesson and a spiritual truth was relayed to me, so crystal clear, on how the Lord feels about strife, anger, and fractured relationships in His body and how it affects believers!

"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry" Ephesians 4:26

Seems simple, doesn't it? We get offended and say nothing. But this verse is clear, letting the sun go down while you are angry is SIN! Sin separates us from God; it clouds our mind, our reactions, and gives the enemy an open doorway or a foothold, in our lives. God would have you work it out, before the end of the day, one-on-one. NOT by email, not by Facebook, not by third-party gossip, and not by spreading your case around to bolster your version or what happened. None of that matters - reconcilation is what matters!

"Leave there your gift before the altar, and go your way; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift." Matthew 5:24

Looks like here God is truly asking us, as we bring our gifts and offerings to Him, if we have strife situations of discord with our brothers that we are to LEAVE, and go get it fixed and THEN come back to the Altar of the Lord. Again, we are to work it out, reconcile and not carry it with us. But what happens when we dont? When we choose to carry it forward in our lives? Reconciliation has nothing to do with being right. In fact, it has everything to do with making peace, regardless of who is right, for the sake of peace. Some times when we have been wronged this is extremely hard to do yet we have examples in our society of parents of murder victims forgiving the murderers and helping them, etc., so we know it is possible; it is a choice, and it is a sin not to do so. If we don't go and be reconciled, we can become bitter and fall short of God's grace! I don't know about you, but I don't want to fall short of that grace! I count on that grace daily!

"Looking diligently lest any man fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled" Hebrews 12:15.

As bitterness of unresolved hurts and past offenses go unchecked, they grow. This "root" grows into a spiritual stronghold on our lives and it then affects our lives and, in turn, every one around us or "defiles many" according to Hebrews 12:15. It will cloud our judgment of situations, cause us to be distrusting, harden our hearts, and really wreak havoc on our lives, our relationships, and the ability of God's will to come to fruition in our lives and, if we are not careful, turns to hate.

"If a man says, I love God, and hates his brother, he is a liar: for he that loves not his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?" 1 John 4:20

If we want to say we are Christians, then we must love our brother. We must rely on the Truth of the Word that says that His "perfect love" casts out all fear! Repeating themes in Scripture tell us that strife, anger, assumptions, jumping to conclusions, etc., are not right with our Lord and it can affect our relationship with God; our communion with Him, and our witness and, ultimately, our spiritual health! So how do we know? Well, we have the verse that says out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks (Luke 6:45; Proverbs 4:23).

So what is coming out of our mouth?  Is it good treasure or trash?  Does it build up or abuse and cut down?  It reveals the state of your heart.

Do you detect anger or bitterness coming out of your mouth?  Are you still talking about what happened to you 20 years ago by someone or your church or pastor? Are you comparing your current relationship to the last one? Making statements that all men (or women) are the same because you were married or dated someone who really hurt you?  Do you distrust people because you have been let down and abused? When you give your testimony, what does it reveal about the state of your heart? Chances are, if you are still recalling events of the past, you never got reconcilation and there is a stronghold in your life, now, a spiritual stronghold that has opened you up to darkness and oppression and it will affect your ability to move forward and it will  God's ability to heal you!  HE IS ABLE but you MUST be willing!  Ultimately, after a time, the enemy can really tell you a story in your mind, creating more and more fear, until all that is left is bitterness, anger, distrust and fear. The evidence will be coming out of your mouth!

Once, in a book by Rick Joyner, I was confronted with the image he had in a vision where all the demons were riding on the backs of Christians. Here is an exerpt:

"I saw a demonic army so large that it stretched as far as I could see. It was separated into divisions, with each carrying a different banner. The foremost and most powerful divisions were Pride, Self-righteousness, Respectability, Selfish Ambition, and Unrighteous Judgment, but the largest of all was Jealousy. The leader of this vast army was the Accuser of the Brethren himself. I knew that there were many more evil divisions beyond my scope of vision, but these were the vanguard of this terrible horde from hell that was now being released against the church. The weapons carried by this horde had names on them: the swords were named Intimidation; the spears were named Treachery; and their arrows were named Accusations, Gossip, Slander and Faultfinding. Scouts and smaller companies of demons with such names as Rejection, Bitterness, Impatience, Unforgiveness and Lust were sent in advance of this army to prepare for the main attack. I knew in my heart that the church had never faced anything like this before. The main assignment of this army was to cause division. It was sent to attack every level of relationship--churches with each other, congregations with their pastors, husbands and wives, children and parents, and even children with each other. The scouts were sent to locate the openings in churches, families or individuals that rejection, bitterness, lust, etc., could exploit and make a larger breech for the divisions that were coming. The most shocking part of this vision was that this horde was not riding on horses, but on Christians! Most of them were well-dressed, respectable, and had the appearance of being refined and educated. These were Christians who had opened themselves to the powers of darkness to such a degree that the enemy could use them and they would think they were being used by God. The Accuser knows that a house divided cannot stand, and this army represented his ultimate attempt to bring such complete division to the church that she would completely fall from grace."

)If you want to read it in its entirety, here is a link to the Hordes of Hell are Marching: http://www.morningstarministries.org/resources/prophetic-bulletins/1995/hordes-hell-are-marching )

"...I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires." Galatians 5:22-24.

We can and must avoid strife at all costs (seek reconcilation)! We must not allow the root of bitterness to take hold in our lives to affect everyone around us! We must do these things if we say we belong to Christ or we will miss God; in our lives and as a church!

One of the most profound verses for me in the Bible is this:

"And why call me, Lord, oh my Lord, and do not the things which I say?"  Luke 6:46

So often we can be such a stubborn people when it is better to just repent, return to the grace of God and be a DOER of the Word of God and not a hearer only!

Have you made assumptions against someone that you need to go to and work it out in reconcilation according to Matthew 18:15.  Not in some passive-aggressive way, but God's way, one on one. It will bring healing, He promises it to you. If you cannot go to them, then are you WILLING to open yourself up and allow God to take that "barbed wire" from your heart or get that demonic spirit off your back? It is up to you to choose to do the work. You might have to admit some shortcomings (I did) and be somewhat vulnerable (I did). You might need pastoral help, or a clinician or therapist or healing prayer; so what? If that one thing is keeping you from God and His grace and calling on your life, it is worth it!  Sometimes we need to take that courage He offers.  Courage is not the absence of fear it is just feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

It is my own heart's cry: "Deliver me from the oppression of man: so will I keep your precepts." Psalm 119:134.

God bless you!  Your fellow laborer in Christ,

Cori

Why is That?

As 2013 begins, I have been keeping my eye on international events, and how time is propelling us silently toward the end of this dispensation and Christ’s return and judgment. Personally, I am astounded at how most events are quietly passing with no notice or attention by the vast majority of congregations in my town here in Sacramento. And, the more I speak with ministers and leaders across the Country and world, it appears that in the United States it is widespread. Yet, if you step outside the USA it is a different story!

Why is that?

I am not sure that we, as a Christian community of believers (as a whole) understand the outcome of our continued denial and lack of understanding of what time it is. This is not an opinion but a fact widely accepted however, I base my hypothesis on first-hand observation. In the past 3 years, I have been in church a lot....in fact my own daughter, a pastor herself has expressed "Mom, you are in church "a lot". I have been on staff at a few, but mostly serve informally in whatever capacity the pastor needs. I am not much into titles or affirmations so it suits me fine; plus I have had a women’s ministry in my home for 3 years. So, for the last 8 month I have been to several congregations (more than 6) in some capacity to help, support, minister, hear a speaker or attend a special event involving my family or grandchildren. And, during all of those visits or assignments, I have had the pleasure of listening to the pastors (the shepherds in charge of the flocks) speak, in different denominations from Pentecostal to Conservative. I have listened to well-orchestrated sermons with beautiful slides in Power Point, and expository genius and I have listened as well-meaning men and women attempt to speak forth what God has put in their hearts with a great degree of conviction and passion. I heard some good messages that I am sure would make any seminary professor proud. But there was one thing lacking from all but one of the churches....and that was a compelling message to repent, return to your first Love, and get your life right for the time is short. In most I did not witness prayer, laying on of hands, or even an altar call for salvation, healing or anything. More importantly and quite alarming to me I saw no one, not one, filled with the Holy Ghost or even an invitation to receive Him with evidence of speaking in tongues. I did not see any bonafide miracles or signs and wonders following those messages.

Why is that?

It makes me shake my head and wonder a lot lately where did it go? The powerful preaching, the leading of the Holy Ghost, the miracles following the Word (signs and wonders) and the conversion of lives truly changed by an encounter with a living God? These men lived for God, 24/7, not just on Sundays. It was who they were/are, not their title.

I know many leaders in ministry. I know their hearts and that they are committed to their calling. It isn’t that they aren’t praying and seeking, but for some reason, their services are lacking those things that are the foundation and pillar of Christ and what He has called us, as believers to be and do.

Why is that?

Elsewhere, in visits and ministry I see sone leaders who really appear (my humble opinion) to be "winging it" and, what is worse, they are calling it being "lead" by the Holy Ghost. These leaders are showing up for service by the seat of their pants, late, unprepared (spiritually) and so busy that they forgot about the "holiness" of their calling. What makes it sad is they have forgotten the old cliche that "the higher up the ladder you go, the more your panties show". That means, they aren’t fooling anyone even though they think they are; they certainly aren’t fooling the Lord let alone their congregations.

Yet, in the "routine" of church, they throw out a few verses (same verses every Sunday) and call it a day. They give away their pulpits to guests more than not and then, and I have heard them, wonder aloud, with much frustration, why their congregation is so non-committal and dwindling. I hear a lot of analysis and conclusions being drawn, too, as to changing of seasons, certain people within the flock being the problem, and much justification. Unfortunately, again my opinion, what I never hear, is the revelation that THE SPEED OF THE LEADER IS THE SPEED OF THE GANG. I do hear this over and over again: "God is in charge of the increase" as if it is all up to God anyway....

Why is that?

Meanwhile, prophetic men and women are screaming "WAKE UP, LOOK OUT, WARNING!...". You see a lot of that on Facebook these days, or on the internet, in my opinion because we have removed the prophet from our churches and labeled them as radials or crazy’s in lieu of tolerance and putting more "cheeks in the seats" to cover our overhead. It seems that it is more about "Can’t we all just get along"? In the name of "tolerance" and "love" it really looks like we (as a church body) have given up. What we don’t realize is that we are now like the virgins without oil in their lamps and we are going to miss the bridegroom!

What does it say if we (the church leaders) are so careful to not want to upset anyone, or touch on issues of sin that are "danger zones" that we stick to the "feel good" sermons that emotionally charge up the people but mature them/us NOT. In the process of "doing church" we have failed to see our nakedness and, in the process of our efforts to achieve personal "success" (.e.g., pay the bills, pay the pastor, grow the congregation) somehow church has become a social club. You can get your latte, attend bingo and some neat event and have the shepherd fill you up emotionally and make you feel good for another week, all in the 1.25 hours allowed on a Sunday. Yet, while you are looking up your Bible verse on your smart phone, you are not being very edified or convicted (and of course that doesn’t feel good anyway) and you become completely reliant on a pastor, in a building, regurgitating the same ole same ole. I even attended a service where only 1 verse was present in a sea of jokes and wise cracks from the pulpit and analogy after analogy that was very painful to listen to!

And yet, all the while we (the human race) ARE facing the darkest days on Earth and we are eating and drinking and looking just like the "days of Noah" before the flood came and wiped out every single being on earth save a select few spared by God. Did we forget that God who is just and perfect when we painted our picture of Jesus our friend?

Why is that?

I just watched an election where Christians did not care about the ethical and moral standing of a candidate. They voted against biblical principles and didn’t care or justified it with malarkey. Most of the same folks would tell me (I assume) that it is prejudice of me to point a finger at Islam and say "great false religion" or that with each piece of ground the Christian church gives up, it takes one more step into allowing a time when persecution of believers will become as real and as ugly as it is in Africa or China.

Meanwhile, one by one, the mighty men of God who stood tall and braved and tilled the unbroken ground to preach the full gospel are going home to be with Jesus and receive their crowns. Men like Hagin and Harrison and Oral Roberts and, even in my own circle of influence, men like Glen Cole and Al Gluchoski are going "home" to be with the Lord. Where are their replacements? The torch bearers that have been called to this hour to lead and proclaim the full gospel?

Why is that?

We know that faith comes by hearing and hearing through the Good News of Christ, says the Bible. So, if it were all up to God, why is man appointed to rule and have dominion on earth and why did Jesus take the cross to reconcile man with God? Could it be because it is man’s job to proclaim the gospel of Christ.

If one is called to preach and lead the people, then it isn’t about anything else. It isn’t that you need to have a balanced life, or whatever, it is about a calling and a burning and yearning so deeply and intensely that it is really who you are.

Selah..........

Season of Change

"Change occurs when the pain of remaining the same is greater than the pain of changing."

That is actually an old AA saying that I recently heard when I sat in an Alanon meeting to empower a girlfriend to facilitate change in her own life a few month's back.

It is also truth.  Takes courage to change, to effectively throw off the old man, as Scripture tell us to do.

I have a lot to say about change if I am patently clear and honest.  What the hey, I don't mind the transparency if it will encourage you through my own testimony, of what Jesus continues to do for me and that through Christ all things are truly possible.

August 2009 my entire world changed.  Well, it changed a LONG time before that, but "officially" I made, what I call a "forward-motion" decision that would alter my life.  Funny, I say forward-motion, but it really means I made a decision based solely on faith, with evidence NOT seen, and only the peace of God in my heart and spirit.

As a single mom, I moved back to Northern California and swore, on my face before God, to serve Him and trust Him again with my heart and life.  Funny, I didn't feel "backslidden" at the time, but what does that mean anyway?  It doesn't necessarily mean much more than not living up to God's potential and calling in my life for me.  I wasn't out in sin, or drinking or smoking or gambling or murdering, I just wasn't doing ANYTHING.  I went to church, I went home from church, I volunteered for children's ministry and I set up tables and chairs.

It nagged me, but I was so wore out by the burdens and cares of this world and my own life, that I just couldn’t do much to “change it.”  The pain of remaining the same was still comfy I guess, in retrospect.

So, when I returned to California and laid on my face before God, He heard my repentant cry and refilled me.  With His Spirit, with my prayer language, with hope, and with fortitude to carry out the calling He has put upon my life.  I had hit the point where I was willing and Oh I praise Him for His faithfulness.

I remember sitting in my pastor’s office, or in the fellowship hall more than once, talking about wanting to do something for Jesus, but unsure of just what He wanted.  I mean I knew what the church needed and Pastor told me where it would help, and so I served, in the nursery and sang on the worship team.  I am grateful for that time under his leadership, as I rediscovered God’s presence and my conviction to serve Him.

In the end, I left that congregation because it didn’t fulfill what the Lord had wanted me to do and be and thus, more change.

I started a dating relationship that year in 2010 and simultaneiously watched my children’s father go through a nightmare much similar to the one I experienced in August of 2009 myself, in his own personal life that affected our kids and grandkids.

I had changed states, changed jobs,  changed financial tax brackets, and budgets, and I even exchanged dress sizes as I lost that 40 pounds I had carried from not smoking since 2003.  And, then, almost immediately, without even a calm in the storm, there was more change, moving yet again, and a job promotion, another granddaughter, a marriage proposal (whoot!).

You would think I have had about all the change I could muster since 2009.  You just might be right.  I am TIRED….in an emotional way, of all the work, cleaning out my wounds of the past and confronting those things that didn’t work in my denial of my own insecurities, and being brave enough to do it differently.

I am grateful beyond words to those in my life that haven’t given up on me, have encouraged me, and have listened to me, sometimes at their own expense of peace, along this fast-paced journey of change.

In fact, I am literally laughing out loud because in the midst of it all, my body decided it was time for “the change”…..and while I might just stand on my roof with a pint of Haagen Dazs at the end of THAT part and dance under the full moon in praise when I am done with all of that hormonal and physical “fun”, I can tell you, if this isn’t “mid life” I don’t know what else to say.

It has been anything but easy.  In fact, it has been hard, diligent, consistent work with Jesus and His rod and staff if you want the truth.  The things that I have let surface and let go of are not always pretty things.  They are dark, hurtful, vulnerable secret nightmares of a past riddled with disappointments and some pretty hard knocks.  It has often felt like a scene from The Matrix, where everything is fast forward, and yet, feels like it is in slow motion and you wish you could have just taken the blue pill instead and yet I confess that fast is much easier than slow.  Slow is hard! 

Man, God has done and walked me through so many changes and I want to encourage you who are reading this blog today!

Allow the Lord to have His way in your life today.  It will NOT make sense (in your OWN MIND) at times, but it will work out.  Trusting a living God who DOES NOT CHANGE, is an amazing journey designed to bring you face-to-face with your fragility and utmost need of Him to pilot your life.  At least it did for me.

Even this morning, I received yet more confirmation on my journey that I DO hear Him and I DO know Him and I CAN TRUST THAT.  He has my future, and He continues to heal my past.

You cannot amputate your HISTORY from your DESTINY.  Ok, that is something Beth Moore shared once that my girlfriend and I sat and rewound the tape and cried together when we first heard it.

Change is necessary.  To prepare you (me), to prune you (me), to transform you (me) to purge you (me) of selfish desires and wants and needs, to rely solely on Him and His presence, even in the flat out scary times.

I am learning to BE STILL and KNOW a lot these days. In fact, just yesterday, I took a run with a well-weathered four legged friend named Sabrina.  We ran together for 5 miles and we both could have continued for more if I had not needed some water.  That dog is like 10-12 years old and can outrun me any day.  So, with worship music in my ears we ran.  And, lo and behold the Holy Spirit spoke to me this Psalm:

You have searched me, LORD,
   and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
   you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
   you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue  you,  LORD, know it completely.

(Psalm 139)

Yep, more change on the horizon.  I welcome it actually.  There is a warmth in the Refiner’s fire after a time, as crazy as that sounds.  I have grown accustomed to the heat.  This time it is about being silent under persecution.  Not always having to have the last word or be right (even when you are :O).  God knows and perceives your thoughts from afar.

Pray for me?

As I emerge from this season of change I find myself very much a new woman.  I am learning boundaries, I am not so self-conscious, I have learned to be quiet and to submit.  I have learned acceptance and what it means to truly love and appreciate people in your life for their value, and to love and honor that about them, no matter what.  There are times when it feels like I have spun my wheels, and gone no where, but when I pause, and allow the Lord to walk me through the past almost 3 years now, I suddenly am amazed.

Despite the mistakes, the failures, the stupid decisions and with what little patience I do have, I have grown!  I am so far from where I used to be and who I used to be!  I am not so much afraid anymore of the what ifs and maybes and we shall sees of this life.  I have learned to guard my heart and cultivate the soil in my life so the Word takes root.  I have learned to love, I mean 1 Corinthians 13-style “agape” love, and have my heart well up with it in the worst of times.  When it seemed unfair and so hurtful and just not right….WOW…..

Suddenly, I am ready to begin……to take flight, if you will, and I welcome the continued work He is doing in my life.

They say this is living life in the absence of fear.  If that is truly so, Lord, I am so thankful you are here with me.

Be encouraged those reading my heart.  Go for it.  Abandon your fear to the Lord.  He is able.  You will survive the journey intact yet dramatically different.  You won’t regret it for a minute, either.

In fact, you will LOVE your life!

All to you King Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith.  All praise and honor and glory be unto You the beginning and the end.

Corianne

Carpe Diem

“Teach us to number each of our days so that we may grow in wisdom..”…Psalm 90:12.

It’s Tuesday and I am looking forward to the weekend already.  I have plans and I have lists and it is a new year.  I have to put so much in savings, and lose so much weight, and organize my garage and have my granddaughter over for a sleepover, and cook dinner and pay bills….I have a women’s ministry gathering next week, and I have been asked to speak at the evening service at a church the last Sunday in January…

But THIS is the day the Lord has made…I repent Lord!

A Latin poet named Horace, penned the following infamous poem that contains “carpe diem” some time after the Battle of Philippi in 42 BC:

Don't ask (it's forbidden to know) what final fate the gods have
given to me and you, Leuconoe, and don't consult Babylonian
horoscopes. How much better it is to accept whatever shall be,
whether Jupiter has given many more winters or whether this is the
last one, which now breaks the force of the Tuscan sea against the
facing cliffs. Be wise, strain the wine, and trim distant hope within
short limits. While we're talking, grudging time will already
have fled: seize the day, trusting as little as possible in tomorrow.

Someone once told me that we can be so busy we forget to take the time to be holy.  We can get so bogged down in our own “stuff” that we fail to lift our head to see those around us.  I mean I personally have a lot going on in my life to distract me.  I am afraid I look at my Caller ID more than I care to admit, and try my best to limit things that vie for my attention and my time.  So I try and I cringe for the fact that more often I fail than win the battle.  I pray the Lord knows my heart and my desire!

Selah.

I am not one to make resolutions for a new year.  This year is no exception.  I mean there is a mark I am trying to hit daily to be more like Him and less like me.  Some days I almost win, some days I lose, long before my feet hit the floor in the morning and most days it is somewhere in between which is all because of His unending grace and mercy and by His spirit and His power.  And so, I trod down this narrow path and affix my gaze upon Jesus and not upon those things that line the edges of the path.

I do praise Him that the more and more I walk the narrow path, the less and less fallout remains from my “old man”, the one “before Christ” or the one that came during the season I just got tired and worn out.  So amen for new beginnings and for His new mercies every single day!

I pray the same Psalm today that David prayed that You teach ME to number my days…

Selah.

Last Tuesday, I chatted with an old friend on the phone.  Long chat, my entire lunch hour - catching up.  She had been sick for a long time.  She struggled and struggled with lots of things for many years, yet was resilient and hopeful during our chat.  She prayed for me; I prayed for her.  We talked about things like teenagers, and how proud we are of our children and of her upcoming 30 year wedding anniversary.  We scoffed at how aging was anything but fun, and vowed to get together today…for tea…

And then, in the blink of an eye, she died……..my daughter phoned me and relayed the sad news of her passing on New Years day…….

Uncanny and ironic, isn’t it?  Carpe diem….seize the day…Let us live today as it is our last.  Let us live it for the Lord with all our minds and our hearts and our souls, amen?

Teach me oh Lord to number my days….so that I may apply a heart full of wisdom!

Please!  I pray that every day is new years day for you, a new beginning, a fresh start.  I pray we run the race, and make a difference, and hold nothing back today.   I pray we thank the Lord that He DOES teach us that our days are numbered and that we can apply wisdom to our hearts!

If a friend calls upon you, answer them.  If you need prayer, as for it, if you seek healing find it today.  Take a step today to fulfill what the Lord has given to you to do in this life.

Whom can you love today?  Whom can you bless?  Whom can you reach out and extend the hand of fellowship to on this day? 

Let us BE the church today - this day, Tuesday….

Go love on somebody.  It may be THEIR LAST DAY; it may be YOUR LAST DAY…

A legacy

I am so humbled and blessed; more so lately it has hit my heart with such depth and a heaviness…of thanksgiving, of praise, of joy, of absolute peace…brings tears to my eyes each time I think about it.  This season in my life is filled with such thankfulness and expectation of the things God is doing and will be doing and has done in my life.  I am amazed at the things that are unfolding, some simply because they are the desires of my heart and some that are fulfillment of YEARS of prayer and belief and still others, divine revelations of what kind of legacy I am leaving behind!

The thought and reality surfaced again on Sunday in a new and amazing way as I stood watching my oldest daughter stand beside her husband and dedicate her daughter to the Lord with the intention of raising her up in the way she should go in the Lord.  I stood at the foot of the altar next to my other two children and next to my wonderful Eric, surrounded by an entire blended family and I realized that this IS my legacy, the inheritance I leave for them…it is YOU JESUS.

As an aside, I have been parenting for 25 years.  Many of those years alone.  Branded as a tenacious Jesus Freak at times I am sure.  Not perfect by any means, but a willing servant most of the time.  I was saved in 1992 in a church service when my oldest daughter was 6 and my middle daughter was a month old.  My children's dad wasn't.  It was a hard road with many twists and turns; lots of "tribulation" and flat out weeding out those things and consequences in my life from my own choices.  They didn't tell  me that on the day of my salvation that while I was a NEW creation in Christ, some of the other "crud" I had created on my own was going to take time for Him to weave it into a garment of gold!  I wanted to blame the devil lots of times and sure he did his best to exploit and use it against me, but in the end, it was because of my own choices, most of those things played out the way they did.  The good thing is the longer I walked with the Lord, the less debris there was to leave behind.  I am grateful that for the majority of my daughters' lives, they have lived it in a house with a mom that loved Jesus!

I know as a single mom there were so many times I took my job as a parent way too seriously and all too much upon myself, to make sure “they” turned out “OK”.  Many nights I laid in bed praying for guidance, and sometimes for strength and courage, to be their mom.  And, I made more mistakes than I could ever count or care to remember.  I met secretly with youth leaders to help and guide with me, and many times with teachers, pleading and standing in the gap in supplication for my children with the Lord.  I am sure I disciplined way too hard, was rigid in a lot of ways (denied them things like Halloween and Easter traditions with any degree of regularity or ease), worked long hours to provide trips to Disneyland and the coast, and for things like McDonald’s, braces, Starbucks and of course, pedicures along the way which fulfilled carnal desires of the world in a lot of ways.  I spoiled them and lavished them with love and lectures, always teaching, never relenting, all because of how important their being placed in my charge meant to me!

Oh yes I fought selfishness throughout the years, and not always won the battle, as a woman.  I have had my share of "what was I thinking moments" in their presence.  I have exhibited my fair share of frustration and anger and having to be and do all things and pulled many a white rabbit out of my hat as a single parent in charge of their education, health, safety and most importantly, their Spiritual development.  I have criticised and yelled and made sure there was enough money from their dad to make it through so they didn't go without.  And more times than I care to admit in this writing, I have taken on the responsibility that was clearly the Lord's, as my own, in worry, and manipulation and plain out fighting to the death....with family, with their father, with anything and anyone who would dare hurt them.

I look around at the realities of being a single mom on my own, and at all the things I didn’t do correctly by my own, perfectionist standards and yet, the one thing I did right………..was connect them to Jesus. I took them to church regularly, and involved myself in my congregation and we served.  We prayed and used the Word of God and a living Savior to banish sickness and disease, to fix broken fingers, to get us through frightening surgeries and illnesses that made no sense.  We opened our doors to those in need, more than we probably should have, and let all the stray lambs come for dinner and fellowship, or pregnancy tests for those too afraid to tell their own mothers. 

And yet, in all those years of parenting, and all those still left to do, Lord, it hit me yesterday so hard as I stood at the altar and watched my baby, dedicate her second baby to You and promise to raise her to the best of her ability to walk in Your ways, oh Lord.

It is You oh Lord, who provided this legacy of three amazing women who love and serve You.  It is You that called them unto Yourself.  And, it took an army to do it.  Christian teachers both in private and public school that YOU put in the path of my children in the answer to prayer.  Confidants in those youth leaders near and far that YOU placed in their lives to help them.  Through divorce, though relocating, through puberty, it was always YOU Lord, who loved them so much more than I, and YOU that have always provided.

You, God, are responsible for the increase.  I thank You, that somehow, despite myself, You have done an excellent job in these women.  That you have heard my prayers, and that You are forever faithful to Your Word to never leave them or forsake them because they are Your children.

So, all the nights of hoping and believing and praying and doing my best, Lord, with what little I had IS being carried down to yet another generation, Lord Jesus because of Your faithfulness.  I don’t think my kids know any other way than Jesus.  From the cradle my grandchildren know of You.  They are surrounded by family and friends that know and serve You and demonstrate Your love and walk in Your ways.

Sometimes, in the moment, it didn’t always make sense.  Looking back on all the moments lumped together, it makes SO much sense.  Thank you, Lord!   

This verse comes to mind:  1 Corinthians 2:9:  “However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"--“

I could not conceive this season of life, Lord.  What you have prepared for me and what is before me.  You are such an awesome and good Father.  I can barely maintain it, the joy and the love I feel for you, Jesus.

What a legacy.  It was never about me being perfect, but always about me loving You.

I thank God continually for each day I was able to put my feet on the floor in the morning and do it all again, and for the unending JOY and fulfillment my girls have brought to me.  Not to mention the unending lessons that the Lord has taught me about how He loves me unconditionally through my being a mom.

The Woman of Samaria



There she goes ...
     the Woman of Samaria.
          I can see her in my mind's eye.
She is wearing a loose dress,
     the colour of burlap,
          somewhat like a long potato sack,
               cinched with a twisted cord of rope.

     It reaches down to a few inches above her sandalled feet.
She is wearing a headpiece of the same colour.
     It falls in folds halfway down her back.
On her right shoulder
          she is balancing a water jug,
               rather large in my eyes.
Surely it's heavy when it's full.

There she goes ...
     the Woman of Samaria ...
          walking to the well.
She travels down the well-worn path from town
     as it twists and turns,
          intimately acquainted, in her solitariness,
               with every curve,
                    every boulder and every lonely blade of grass.

Tunelessly she hums into the stillness
     of the noontime air.
Scuffing her feet,
          she raises little wisps of dust.
The perspiration beads on her upper lip
     and runs in rivulets down her back
          and between her breasts.

It is hot and sticky this time of the day
          but its the only time she feels safe
               to go for the water she needs.
     Safe from the taunts and innuendos,
          the glares and the hisses,
               the damning laughter of the other women.
The heat of the cloudless sky is more merciful than they.

Walking along - alone - lost in her thoughts
     she is startled to hear voices
          coming towards her
               just around the bend.
She casts down her eyes and moves over ...
     to avoid the men she sees approaching.
          Glancing up briefly
               she catches one hostile glare.

Glares are nothing new to her
     but this is different.
These men are Jews - not Samaritans - not her neighbours.
     They abruptly move further away from her
          as if she had the plague....
               Samaritans and Jews do not associate.

As she gets further along she no longer hears them.
Instead, the clicking and buzzing of countless insects grows louder.
     She relaxes and begins to sing a snatch of song,
               something she heard at a campfire one night.

          As the deer longs for flowing streams,
          so my soul longs for you, O God.
               My soul thirsts for the living God.
          When shall I come and behold the face of God?
               My tears have been my food day and night,
          While people say to me continually,
               "Where is your God?"

Despite her dreary hard life - she still hopes,
     still clings to the stories
          she heard as a child about Yahweh.

At last the well is in sight.
     But, what is this?
          A man - alone - sits by the well.
               A Jew.  Another Jew.
She feels tense, wary
     all her senses are heightened.
          Danger screams through every second that passes.
               She is alone...
                    a woman alone with a strange man.
She thinks: "Who IS this guy?
               What does He want?"

He is just sitting there
     looking dusty and worn and tired
          but strangely peaceful and calm
               and - despite the dust - radiant.

He smiles.
He speaks.
Breaks the silence and,
     in an instant,
          tears down the walls that distance ...
               that distance Jews and Samaritans
               that distance Women and Men.

He speaks.
     "Give me a drink."
It is so astonishing that
     she blurts back the question,
          "How is it, that YOU, a JEW - a MAN,
               ask a drink of ME, a WOMAN of SAMARIA?"

This man wastes no time debating
     but challenges her:
     "If you knew the gift of God, and who it is
          that is saying to you, 'Give me a drink,'
               you would have asked him,
                    and he would have given you living water."

The woman is so startled, so overwhelmed,
     so on fire with excitement, she babbles:
          "You have no bucket!"
               "The well is deep."
                    "Where do you get this water?"
               "Are you better than our ancestor Jacob?"
          "Do you know what you're saying?"

To herself, she says,
     "I must be dreaming.  It must be the heat.
          I feel so dizzy."

This man goes on, in the midst of her confusion,
     "Everyone who drinks this water will thirst again
          but those who drink of the water I will give them
               will never again thirst.
          My water will become in them a spring
               of water, gushing up to eternal life.

"Sir," she pleads, "give me this water so I'll never be thirsty
     and I'll never have to come back here to draw water again."
She doesn't know what she is saying.
     She is standing on strange ground.
          Everything is upside down and different today in this place.

Then, the man totally blows her away.
     He knows everything about her, the whole sorry tale,
          and tells her,
               about her mixed-up life,
                    the five husbands
                         and the live-in lover she has now.
                              Everything.
Back and forth this preposterous conversation goes.

Finally she tells him,
     "I know that Messiah is coming
          and when he comes
               he will tell us all things."


           "I am he!  The one who is speaking to you."

The words of the song from the campfire come back to her:
          When shall I come and behold the face of God?


                        *****************

Sister of Samaria,
     I reach out to you
          across the years,
To ask you about what happened that day.
     Can you tell me?
          Did he touch your heart?
               Did he really reach in and renew you?
What happened to you after he left
     and the days and months went by?
          What happened when you heard
               he'd gone up to Jerusalem
                    to hang on a Cross and die?
Or, were you there?
     With the other women,
          at the foot of the cross?
               With his mother,
                    in an agonizing wait,
                         when darkness fell on the land?

O, Sister of mine,
     without a name,
          You are not anonymous!
               Your story's been told.
                    We're telling it new.
                         You are not anonymous!

Sister of Samaria,
     I reach out to you across the years.
          If you were here
               I'd give you a hug and a smile and
                    I'd hold on tight.
But you are not here - so - the gift I'll give
     in your memory
          is
     to love those who are here with me tonight.
          I'll give them a hug and a smile
               and I'll hold on tight.

Goodnight, Sister, Goodnight.


© Charlene Elizabeth Fairchild 1994